Sunday, 10 May 2009

100% Dundee

I really like revising.

Yesterday in Southport the amount of wasteofflesh scumbags I saw drinking frappucino's made me want to punch my niece. Considering the weather was about at subtle as a brick to face aswell added to my anger. It was pissing down with rain and people were drinking ice cold drinks, the fuck.

Anyways, watch this video. And listen to The Roots.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haPnYi0XWcs

Idea for a TV show.

From the creators of the smash hit Strictly Come Dancing!

...It's Strictly Come Faces!


Friday, 8 May 2009

McNuggets

Are simply the best drunken foodstuffs ever. The look on the Drive Thru (gangsta spelling) peoples face is world class when you order 60 of them after 4 pints of the black stuff. I'm sure playing The Earth Song at full blast through your car's speakers doesn't help either. Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to my Thursday night.


The cat threw up before, and it looked like a large helping of corned beef hash. Domesticity being my forté however, means that I cleaned it up without hassle.
That, out of a cats mouth. Seriously.
I've just come back off "the road". Yes, i've been on a mini tour. Unfortunately I didn't get high on gak and shag 7 women, but I did don my Everton shirt and get in the shower with a sleeping bass player. I also signed a flyer for some girl, Rock and Roll. I'm waiting for the NME to come to my door and interview me, to which I will defiantly say:
"Fuck off, you no good indie loving toff pricks".
There is about 20 minutes of footage floating about of me and the band talking about masturbation in a 1 star hotel room in the dankest part of East London, if Myspace will allow us to post it, I glady will.
This video personifies how awesome the 80's were. Shame my only camp memory was seeing a boys cock and losing my sweets. Bad times at Charles Southern High.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra7iJna4MxU&feature=related
I had a dream last night that I went swimming with Thierry Henry whilst eating mussles, we spoke at length about Pixar films and it turned out that he didn't like Finding Nemo, at all.
The one thing that is really pissing me off lately revolves around coffee shops like Costa and Starbucks. I've got that right haven't i? They ARE coffee shops right? Bit of word association, when somebody says Starbucks you do think of COFFEE right?

I can't fucking STAND these toff cunts (usually the shoegaze loving, i dress like my grandma indie kids) that go into a place like Starbucks and order something called a "frappucino", a cold drink that has the coffee content of a pack of Golden fuckin' Wonder. I can't quite put my finger on why I hate this so much, maybe it's cause i'm such a simple Conservative that is about as welcome as a dose of swine flu. But there's just something about it that grinds my gears so much. They're like an iced drink that has all sorts of yumyum ingrediants like chocolate and strawberries and if you walk around town you will see many couples/nobheads drinking them. Why not just get a coffee in Starbucks? and then go to Mandy Moo's for an epic milkshake later? Ahh well, it's better than people that order a fucking Hot Chocolate in a coffee shop. Collossal bellends.
And I wonder why I have approximately 3 friends. I hope i'm making you laugh or offending you deeply.
Anyways, music time, I hope you're all basking in the glory of Spotify.
Since it's summer time and shit, here's a list of non obvious summer songs that you should put into a playlist, put on yer shades, and strut to.
1. John Mayer - Clarity
2. Jamiroquai - Too Young To Die
3. Incubus - Aqueous Transmission (be careful not to piss your pants in relaxation)
4. The Black Crowes - Blackberry
5. Michael Jackson - Burn This Disco Out
6. The Roots - Dynamite!
7. Prince - Love 2 The 9's
8. Bobby Womack - Across 110th Street
9. Dave Matthews Band - #41
10. Bill Withers - Who Is He? (And What Is He To You?)

Get on it kids, fancy a pint?
Nah, thought not.
Charlie S,
x.

Sunday, 19 April 2009




















These 2 men are my fucking heroes.


Friday, 17 April 2009

My Love, Hey. My Love, Hey. My Love, Hey.

No update since February, hence. This will be long. Go get a cuppa. And get me one.

Top 10 songs of the month. Buy, download, spotify, whatever! just listen.

1. Dashboard Confessional - Don't Wait.

Ultra rip off of Sixpence None The Richer's "Kiss Me" but it's almost as good too. Chris Cararrabbaraaba has a whiney voice and couldn't write an albums worth of decent material if the songs came up and bit him in the arse. But how's this for a single.

2. The Roots - Water.

Since I've gone a bit hip-hop, I thought i'd check out hip-hops greatest act, and it razzle dazzled my fantasmagazzle, yo. It's 10 minutes in length, 6 of which is a sound collage alá Revolution 9. But fuck, that groove makes me wonder why the A&R guys at Murder Inc don't live up to their name, off that 50 pence nonce, and make these guys superstars.

3. Michael Jackson - Earth Song.

We've all heard this one. I spent literally half an hour listening to this song on repeat the other night. Jacko waxing lyrical about how poopoo the earth is isn't half wonderful. The drums sound Off The Wall (pun intended) aswell. Amazing. When you were younger how many of you stood inbetween two trees and sung the end bit to the best of your abilities? I certainly did, confess up.
It's pompous, pretentious, grandiose, and any other synonym I can think of all rolled in to one, and then some.

4. Sara Bareilliesielesies - Many The Miles.

The best A-Cappella section in any song since Temple Of The Dog's Reach Down. Class.

5. Alter Bridge - Blackbird.

The 8 minute centerpiece of the album of the same name was without doubt my favourite song of last year. Seeing it live was something else. Proof that American Hard Rock isn't as painfully shit as what's on the surface (Nicklecrack, or is that Nickelback?...Nickel Creek?). Go go go!

6. Dredg - Ode To The Sun.

Terry Date makes another class record. I can almost guarantee that you do not have a clue who this band is. True, they're little known over here, and their records are a king size pain in the ass to get ahold of, I got my copy of their cd Catch Without Arms in London, this being the first track. Fan of Alternative Progressive Pop? Thought not, listen to it anyway you bunch of Jew fucks.

7. Fightstar - Paint Your Target.

Charlie Simpson has one of those faces that you just want to punch (not to mention a terrific Mikel Arteta monobrow to boot!) and yes, Busted were trite as fuck, but fair play to him for getting out of a situation where he would have been financially stable for life in order to play music he loves. Their albums are 3 star at best, but songs like this piss all over the shite Funeral For A Friend have been calling music for the past 4 years.

8. Ben Folds Five - The Last Polka.

One of my all time favourite bands (out of the upbeat ones anyway). If there ever was a song that should be a staple at Jewish weddings, this is it. Classy.

9. Chris Cornell - Part of Me.

"Timberland knows the way to reach the top of the charts, maybe if I work with him I can perfect the art".

Rivers was being sarcastic there Chris, not offering career advice. This is just failtastic.

I only included this in here to slag off the man who used to be my all-time hero. I'm all for musical growth, but when you team a man on a musical downward spiral with a guy named after a boot, the results can only go one way. That's right, down the shitter.

Go listen to Justin Timberlake do this properly on FutureSex/LoveSound. Or better yet, go stick on some fucking Prince!

10. Lady GaGa - Summerboy.

Let's face it, we all think Just Dance is fantastic. But this one is even better.

Since I forgot to update this fuckin' thing. This is gonna be a long one.

I don't know about you, but whenever Mothers Day/Valentines Day/Generic Holiday that means shit comes around. I notice that a copious amount of stupid, money grabbing everythingthatiswrongwithsociety CD's come out. They're all over the tv.

"The perfect gift for mothers day! The Best of Cannibal Corpse!"

I found one today entitled "Just Great Love Songs" and the track listing proves that this country has gone head first down the shitter, I'm talking late 70's we-need-Margaret-Thatcher-back-in power bad. Just looking at the track listing shows that people don't have a FUCKING CLUE about what a love song is. Some examples.

Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River.

Ok, as if the chorus and video wasn't a big enough of a hint. I'll tell you, this is a song about how trousersnake JT found out that Brit Shit Spears was cheating on him.

"You don't have to say, what you did, I already know, I found out from himmmmm"
Get the connection? Good.

Sara Barielelliesleiels - Love Song.

Seriously, what dumb good for nothing, latté sipping, guardian reading liberal fuck thought that this was actually a Love Song?! Sara Barielles is a smart lass, by simply naming her single "Love Song" her record company loved it, sold it, and reaped the millions it made.

She only wrote the song AFTER her label asked her to write a "love song". She did a "Pork and Beans" and basically slagged off her record label, and the dumb jew fucks bought into it!

"I'm not gonna write you a love song, cause you asked for it, cause you need one"
See my point?
This country.

And finally. Due to the generic cast off love child of Leona Lewis and Whitney Houston, Alexandra Burke, taking Leonard Cohen's classic "Hallelujah" to the top of the charts. It's now seen as a yummy, by the fire with some whipped cream and strawberries love song. Despite the fucking OVERT religious references that no-one seems to get. Jeff Buckley's super-fun-time cover is included in this CD, leading me to believe that he's just dug himself up from his grave, gone BACK to that riverbank and fucking jumped in again!

P.S, The sheer magnitude of people who appear on The Jeremy Kyle show has cemented the idea that I will put a bullet in my brain as soon as I hit 35.

If you've read all of this, feel free to come to one of my gigs and watch me play guitar and stuff. I'll buy you a pint I swear!

Friday, 20 February 2009

Fancy a giggle?

"Um, yeah?".

Okay, watch these then. Take your pick from:

A fat black lady falling off a table:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8EnaLn-OlU

A dog reacting to a fart:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIYySjIyy_I

My personal favourite:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X6VoFBCE9k

Slipknot goes Pop:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDdQV3a_CRg

A completley credible dance remix of Christian Bale flipping out, actual tears:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTihsJQHt48&feature=related

In other news, I have found the most awesome online programme ever. It's called Spotify.

Like everybody's neighbours kid, most people are stupid and download music illegally, despite insisting that they "love music". Well, if illegal, streaming quality MP3's float your boat, you're probably adopted and your parents don't love you.

I love how people will have no problem spending £130 on an MP3 player but actually paying to put the fucking media ON them is such an effort.

BUT! This spotify programme is like a massive playlist, instead of downloading the songs and commiting a henious act, ommm. You can just listen to whatever you want, whenever you want. Just type in an artist and a bucket load of good sounding records appear. And it's all legal so Lars Ulrich can buy another bunch of shit paintings!



www.spotify.com
I should be getting paid by these people.

Sarah wanted a mention, so hiyur!

Go check out Minus The Bear. All you kids that dress like your grandma should lap this shit up!

Charlie S
x.

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Oh Hai!

Well hola, children.

It's been more than half a year since i've written in this, but an idea that Broderick put onto our Myspace the other day made me want to start writing (but more than likely complaining) about shit.

As mentioned in my first post all that time ago, I said that I made a CD every month of the 10 tracks that i'm totally loving at that point in time, well, I still do that, I still have a collection of 7 or 8 mixed cd's tucked away at the bottom of my record collection.


If any of them take your fancy, check them out on the 'tube or take the predictable route and download a shoppy MP3 version of them. If any of you guys actually read this, tell me some songs that you're buzzing off lately, and i'll check them out, fo sho. So, without further ado, here are the tracks.

1. BLUR - No Distance Left To Run.
I don't listen to Blur often, although back in the day I always preferred them over Oasis (who should have stopped after Morning Glory) I never bought one of their records. However, since acquiring their greatest hits after they decided to re-group, this song stuck out like a sore thumb. Go watch the video, they all sleep in it and stuff.

2. Prince & The Revolution - Pop Life.
Prince is my new favourite artist, sure, he's tiny, one hell of a prima donna and a total tight arse for actually HIRING lawyers to take his videos down from Youtube. But they guy is just amazing. All of his big albums are in Zavvi for £7, go and get some. Seriously, put down that copy of Only By The Night, buy Around The World In A Day and listen to this little gem.

3. Say Anything - Died A Jew.
I have a serious penchant for unhappy Yanks moaning about stuff, and Max Bemis is the king of it. After finally getting ahold of In Defense of the Genre, the bass line in this song alone is worth the £9 I spent on it. Don't listen if you're a Christian though, you'll probably gerrin' a huff.

4. Paramore - My Heart.
Fuck Riot. It's a great album and all but their first effort has such a cute charm to it that I find irresistable, this is their best song. Nuff Said.

5. Michael Jackson - Baby Be Mine.
Far and away my favourite Michael Jackson song. "Thriller" is still the greatest pop record ever, the fucking thing sold a million copies in a WEEK, and the session musicians used on the record are all top shelf (Human Nature was practically written by Toto) something pop music nowadays is seriously lacking. Sure, I prefer "Bad" and I listen to "Dangerous" more than both. But, it's fucking "Thriller"!!1?!. It's like, £4 in HMV. Why don't you do yourself a favour and buy it? Get "Off The Wall" whilst you're there too.

6. Beach Boys - I Just Wasn't Made For These Times.
"Pet Sounds" has fast become one of my favourite albums ever, so much so Brian Wilson was my display picture on Facebook for a while, leading to some dopy indie girl thinking it was me before saying I had a rubbish taste in music. Epic loss.com. Anyway, although God Only Knows is clearly the greatest song on the record, this one is second best. Amy, listen to it :P.

7. Mute Math - Noticed.
I'm new to this band. Sure, the singer sounds like Sting, and he plays a friggin Keytar. But this song is undeniably awesome. And they're actually on an Indie label so you Indie kids can legitimately listen to them without looking like you're selling out! Huzzah!

8. Taking Back Sunday - Brooklyn.
Why this wasn't included on "Louder Now" goes beyond me, it's on their Myspace, go check it out.

9. Saosin - Love Maker.
Shit title, Cove sounds rough as toast, but this is the highlight song from their limited edition "Grey EP" that came out last year. Check out their debut album if you're into the post-hardcore, "Receiving end of Sirens" kind of shit. Killer drumming too.

10. Death Cab - What Sarah Said.
I thought Death Cab was one of those bands that only cool, hip indie kids listened to. But since they jumped to major label status and they're now technically a pop act, I thought why the fuck not. Bought "Narrow Stairs", loved it. Heard "Plans", and thought it was even better, with this song being its highlight. Fuck Kings of Leon, these guys are doing modern alternative rock better than anyone, and although most of "Plans" isn't too crunchy, I can't stress how good these guys are.

That's it for now, I'll get back in to my usual routine of ripping people a new one soon enough. So, check these songs out if you like. And don't forget to give me some recommendations too!

That's how, for now.
Charlie S
x.