Mmm...Biscuits!

Howdy kids, I'm back. I've set my font to my usual of Trebuchet MS and ctrl-I'd that shit so my writing is all nice and slanty. So, I am ready to write.

However, since returning to University and still rehearsing and gigging more times than Soft Mick, I am running around like a blue-arsed fly, thus rendering me with no time to think about lol-worthy stuff to put into this blog, cause afterall, funny is all i have. That and an uncanny ear for a cracking melody line. Jol.

So, having not been inspired since late August I think i'm just gonna go on our best mate Facebook and poke fun at all the stuff that really grinds-my-fucking-gears, prepare for a shout fest.

Firstly, however, to show that I am a cultured and intelligent young man, I shall get the current event shit out of the way. And by that I mean the lol-fest that was Question Time last night.
Now, I consider myself to be quite conservative, my course @ University is based upon critical thinking and looking at alternative views, which I enjoy. However, the amount of people that take that as "lets be as fucking liberal as possible and disspell everything" really gets on my wick, man. So despite going through a spell where I actually read the Guardian, I am back to my right wing death penalty loving ways. Yum!
So, anyway, I took great pleasure watching people get SO worked up over Nick Griffin last night, the guy could have sneezed and someone would have stuck there fucking hand up and said it was offensive to ethnic minorites.
I do not follow or support the BNP despite my often ultra right wing views on stuff simply because in this day and age his theories and policies are laughable, but despite this, the guy is fucking mint at giving speeches most of the time, his oratory is so good (as it should be when you're talking about such extreme things) that you nearly believe the fucker sometimes, but last night, this wasn't there, he couldn't get points across, he kept nervously twitching and laughing when people made fun of him and overall it made him come across as a major amateur. Disappointing, purely because if he composed himself better the show would have been 10 times as funny as it already was (the sight of liberals shitting their pants is my idea of comedy gold, and there was plenty of that last night).
It is incredible how Jack Straw with his 30 years of experience STILL can't string a fucking sentence together though, wow.
So, just incase this gets mis-interpreted, I do not support the BNP in any shape or form, but I do find the reactions from people utterly utterly hilarious. That Bonnie woman (I think) that was to Nick's left last night got it right, she kept calm and presented her arguments in a good manner, instead of shaking like a shitting dog with rage. So, respect, even though usually I can't fucking stand her either.

Anyway, there's the serious part over, maybe Heat Magazine will employ me?

So, it's time for the (hopefully) funny bits, I hope you relate to them, if not you do them yourself and therefore you can bugger off :)

Right, why "like" your own status?
You've written the pissing thing yourself so subconciously you like it anyway so why back it up with the little "like" button and make me want to die?
It's the best when (primarily) girls write a status regarding a relationship that's just ended or they're just generally pissed of with my sex. Like...

Person X - is beta without him!!1
"Person X likes this"

YOU GO GIRL!...and then usually her mates will jump in with plenty of x's and comforting words like "wine", "chocolate" and "pissed", throw in a "lol" too for good measure.

It reminds me of the feckless tramps that will go on fucking Ricki Lake and keep shouting "girlfriend" to there mate that's just been dumped with a baby on the way or something.

You'll find over the years if you get to know me I get worked up over such stupid little things that will affect me in no way at all, I just like to rant. It's good for the heart.

I'm the kind of person that likes to have everything ordered and worked out in his head, it's why i like lists, I like stuff being in a definitive order, prime case of OCD methinks. Therefore, if you've noticed on my facebook profile I have all of my views and favourite things in a complete order. I don't like it when people are vague. And as I saw a profile of a girl I used to go to school with before, she managed to sum up why I hate her in only a few sentences. Efficient.

So under your name, networks and marital status and shit, it says Political and Religious views right? No word of a lie, this is what this girls profile says.

Political Views - I dnt undastand wot tht means x
Firstly, putting the x on there doesn't stop me from wanting to punch a wall, and why miss out ONE letter from a word?? "tht"? It's EASIER to put the fucking A in, my lord.

The thing about that that pisses me off the most is that she obviously doesn't know that we vote who we want elected in this country (she probably thinks that democracy is some kind of hair product) but I bet you pound for a piece of shit she's on the lets take the piss out of whoevers in charge bandwagon, mmm, contradiction!

She then goes on to state that her favourite pastimes are "the girlies, drink, shoppin n lads!". Look love, I'm sure your parents are proud that you've probably got a fucking BTEC in hairdressing but sort it out will you?

Haha! I've just also seen this classic, you know in the little box you have under your picture where you can just put a little blurb about whatever, she's put this little peach.

"doesnt understand why all men r nob eds".
The fact that you clearly have the personality of a door doesn't help love, I can tell you that.

My number one blog fan Faye has everything in order (and korectlee spelllt!) on her profile, and for that reason, i will eternally love her. See, do some things right and you can work your way into my cold, cold heart.

I think I shall leave it there for this week, as usual when I don't write for a while I waffle on and on like a fucking war veteran (I've seen explosions too mate!!). So, bye bye.

Charlie S
x.